Bleed My Heart Out On This Paper
by loveadubdub
Summary: New York is everything he thought it would be and also nothing like he expects...  Sequel to Whenever You Remember.
1. Chapter 1

**BLEED MY HEART OUT ON THIS PAPER**

**Part One**

**...**

New York is everything he thought it would be and also nothing like he expects.

It's weird really. He's been here before, so it's not like he's in for some huge shock or anything. But visiting here and _living _here are two way different things, and he finds that out pretty fast. He also realizes that maybe he should have thought this out a little better. Or, you know, found a place to stay before he actually got here. But whatever.

He doesn't have a ton of money, and what he does have has to last him for god knows how long. And the first thing he realizes when he gets to the city is that it's fucking _expensive. _Five grand in Lima might sound like a lot, but it's basically nothing in New York, and he finds that out pretty fast. He doesn't have an apartment lined up or anything, so he checks into this youth hostel and moves into this room with eight beds and a bathroom down the hall that's supposed to be for like twenty people.

But seriously? It's actually pretty awesome.

Not the bathroom part because that sucks. But the hostel itself is really cool, and it's not at all like the movie or whatever. Like he never sees anybody get their toe yanked off with a wrench or their eyeball burned out with a blowtorch, so yeah, it's cool. It's loud and crowded, but there are some really awesome people there. He meets people from like all over the world, and they start hanging out and staying up til like five in the morning playing music and just chilling down in the common room. His roommate situation changes like every day, but it's not bad. Some really cool people come through there.

And there's definitely no shortage of hot girls, either.

…

He's not so much of a dumbass that he thinks he can live in a hostel forever, so he starts looking for other arrangements a few days after he gets there.

He also needs a job, so he works on that, too.

The job is actually easier than the apartment, and he ends up with some total cliché job in a coffee shop. It's kind of a ghetto place, not like Starbucks or anything fancy. It's just some hole in the wall a few blocks down from the hostel, and he literally walks in and asks if they're hiring and walks out with a job.

They put him on some really shitty schedule where he's gotta like get there at 6 PM and work til like 2 in the morning. It doesn't pay much, either, but whatever. It's easy, and it's money, so he's not gonna complain. Plus, he makes really good tips because he's kind of an awesome flirt.

And seriously? That shit comes in handy when it comes to tips.

…

He left Lima like a week before Rachel did, and he hasn't seen her since.

They've texted a few times, so he knows she's here. But she seems super busy, and he's busy, too, working and trying to find a place to live. Whenever she texts him, it always has like a billion exclamation points and says something about how awesome New York is and how she loves NYU and a bunch of other stuff that doesn't surprise him.

But he wants to hang out with her, so he texts her and tells her that.

…

He finds this studio out in Queens that's less than a thousand bucks a month, and he pretty much signs the paperwork before he even sees the place.

It's crazy that a thousand bucks can sound like a good deal, but shit. Even the _dumpiest _places in Manhattan are more than that, and this place at least has a terrace. Or that's what the realtor tells him anyway. When he actually tours it, the 'terrace' looks more like a fire escape, but whatever. He takes it.

It's move-in ready, so he packs up his shit at the hostel and exchanges numbers and email addresses with some of the cooler people. Then he heads to Queens with his guitar and one suitcase- the same way he came to the city.

He has no furniture, no anything really. So he goes to the store and buys like the cheapest mattress he can find and puts it on the floor of his apartment. He buys literally like two plates, a few forks, and a couple of glasses. Oh, and a shower curtain.

So yep, that's his first apartment.

Whatever, he loves it.

…

Rachel texts him one morning and asks him if he wants to get lunch.

He says yeah and that he'll meet her on campus. One, he doesn't trust her trying to get anywhere outside of Manhattan by herself, and two, there's probably way better places to eat around her anyway.

He only gets lost a little bit going to her dorm. He goes the wrong way when he gets off the subway and has to backtrack two blocks, but he finds her building pretty easily. He texts her when he's outside, but it still takes her like ten more minutes to actually make it down the elevator and out to the street.

And then she practically tackles him the second she sees him.

That's not even a lie. She fucking throws herself at him and for serious _jumps _on him til she's hanging off of him like some kind of monkey or something. But she's little, so it's not like he falls over or anything.

She doesn't shut up for three seconds the whole time it takes them to walk to this little Indian restaurant she swears has the best curry in the world. He's never really had too much curry, so he just trusts her. It's not like he's gonna know the difference anyway. She tells him everything, all about her classes and her roommate and the people in her program. She seems way more excited about _school _than pretty much any person has the right to be. She's so happy, though, that he can't even tell her to shut up or even call her lame or anything.

Finally, she takes a breath and decides to ask him how _he's _doing, and he almost laughs because he's pretty sure she forgot he was even there for a few minutes.

He tells her about the coffee shop and his apartment, and she seems really excited that he's got his own place. He's not sure what she expected him to have, but she says, "That's so grown up!"

And he really _does _laugh this time because she's cute and doesn't even know it.

…

She comes in for coffee one night while he's working, and he's really shocked she even found the place.

He told her where it was and stuff when she asked, but he didn't think she would actually _come _here. It's not at all close to her dorm, and there are probably fifty places to get coffee in a six block radius around her building. So yeah, he's surprised to see her walking in the door.

She's got some Indian chick with her that he assumes is her roommate. She's hot and looks pissed to be dragged to some random coffee shop halfway across the city. Rachel seems totally oblivious (of course), and she just marches up to the counter with this huge smile on her face.

"Hi!"

"Long way to come for a cup of coffee, Rach. It's not even that good." Whatever, he's the only one working, and there's only like three customers here. No one's paying attention, so he'll shit talk the place if he wants to.

She just shrugs and introduces him to her friend. "This is my roommate, Nadeera. This is Noah."

"It's Puck," he corrects her, and Nadeera gives him this teeny tiny smile that, he's not gonna lie, he'd kind of like to see more of.

"That's a stupid name." She raises her eyebrows and keeps that same little smirk on her face. He knows what flirting looks like- he's kind of an expert.

He's kind of surprised that she sounds normal. He doesn't know what he thought she was supposed to sound like, maybe like Slumdog Millionaire or something. Yeah, it's probably racist, whatever.

"That's rude."

Nadeera just lifts a shoulder like she couldn't give a shit if she tried. It's hot. "So do we get free coffee here or what?"

Puck shrugs because he'll give them free shit, sure. "What do you want?"

"Caramel macchiato?"

"I don't know how to make that."

She just stares at him, almost like she can't tell if he's joking (he's not). "Are you serious? Even _McDonald's _knows how to make that."

"So go to McDonald's." He's an asshole to girls because 1) they secretly like it, even if they won't admit it and 2) he can be.

Nadeera falls for it just like he knew she would.

"Can you make hot chocolate?"

"I can make everything hot."

"Oh, my _god." _Rachel butts in, and honestly? He kind of forgot she was even there. She's sort of glaring at him like he's some kind of pig, and he just smiles at her because what the fuck else is he gonna do?

"What would _you _like, Rachel?"

"Coffee." She's still glaring. "With soy milk."

So he makes it for her. And even though he kind of wants to, he doesn't even slip her the real shit just to piss her off.

…

He hooks up with some girl he meets at work, and she calls him a dick because he won't take her back to his place.

Seriously, he's not even being a dick. Like okay, he probably wouldn't take her back there anyway, but he's sure as hell not gonna take some random chick back to his mattress on the floor. He tells her his apartment is pretty far away (also not a lie), and they end up back at her hotel room with her friend who gives him the dirtiest look he's ever seen from a girl (and he's seen a fucking lot, okay?) right before she says she's going out.

So he bangs this chick on the same bed she's gonna have to share with her friend later, and then he leaves before she has a chance to suggest they go eat or something. He's not into spending anymore time than necessary with her, so he tells her he'll see her around (he won't- her plane leaves tomorrow, she already told him), and then he takes off back home.

When he's on the train back to Queens, he realizes that hooking up with tourists is gonna be the best thing ever. He can fuck girls and literally never see them again.

Win/win.

…

His mom's been blowing his phone up for days, so he finally answers while he's fucking around on his guitar.

"Oh, so nice of you to pick up the phone."

He rolls his eyes because he can just _picture _what her face looks like right now. She's pissed, and he knows it.

"Hi, Mom."

"I didn't know if you were dead or alive."

"Not dead."

"Thanks, smartass."

He smiles a little bit. It's funny when his mom calls him names. She told him he was acting like a douchebag once, and it was maybe the best day of his life.

"I've been busy."

"What's her name?"

"No her." Totally not a lie. "I mean, with work and shit."

"Did you ever get any furniture?"

He looks around his woefully empty apartment. "Nope."

"So you're still living with a mattress and a handful of dishes?"

"And a shower curtain." He can imagine her eyeroll.

"Noah." She sighs loudly. "Go buy a sofa or something."

"No money."

"_I'll _send you the money, good lord."

He wouldn't mind some money, but he's not about to go asking his mommy for it. "Nah, Mom, I got this."

He'll get some furniture before he invites her to visit. Which means he has until forever.

…

Rachel's kind of pissed at him, probably for hitting on her roommate, but it doesn't take her long to get over it.

She texts him while he's on his way to the gym and asks if he wants to go out with 'her and her friends' later. He almost thinks it's funny because Rachel doesn't have friends, or at least she never used to. And the friends she _did _eventually get were always his friends, too. So it's totally fucking weird to think about her hanging out with people he doesn't know. But it's college, and people make friends there. Or at least he guesses they do- shit, he doesn't fucking know. Regardless, he texts her back and tells her yeah, and she tells him to come by her dorm around 9.

He hasn't actually seen her room yet, but she comes downstairs and signs him in when he gets to her building. She looks hot, and he tells her that, but she just rolls her eyes. It's fucked up because for a chick that feeds off compliments the way she does, she's like completely incapable of accepting them about her looks. But he follows her into the elevator and up to her room.

She lives on the sixth floor, and it looks exactly like every dorm he's ever seen on TV with some huge ass bulletin board staring them down the second the elevator doors open, and there are like fifty billion people running around. It's Friday night, and college is supposed to be mainly about partying, so he's not shocked.

Her room is super small, like even smaller than his apartment, and that's saying a fucking lot.

It's easy to tell which side is hers, though- the one with the neatly made bed and the yellow and blue paisley comforter. The other bed is messy, unmade, has a dark purple blanket wadded up at the foot, and is totally covered in books and clothes. That must be Nadeera's.

"Where's your roommate?" It's not like he's looking for her specifically, but she's kind of obviously not here.

"In the bathroom." And she kind of gives him a nasty look, but he ignores it like he doesn't even notice.

What? It's just a question.

…

His first New York party is also his first college party, and he doesn't give a fuck if he's not actually _in _college because it's fun.

It turns out Rachel's got like this whole group of friends, and they pregame in her room for a little while and then head out to this party in an apartment building down the street. Rachel doesn't drink at all, and he knows she supposedly swore to give it up or whatever, but not even she would take that shit seriously. He calls her on it while they're on their way to the party, and she tells him that she has dance class in the morning and doesn't want to be sick.

The party's kind of dope and _way _different from every party he ever went to in high school. Maybe it's not that different, but it feels that way, probably because there's like a never-ending supply of new people to chill with and hot girls to flirt with.

Mostly, he flirts with Nadeera.

"You can call me Dee," she tells him while they're hanging out in the kitchen with like seventy other people standing around.

"Are you gonna call me Puck?"

She smiles at him and shakes her head. "I'm gonna call you Noah because I think it pisses you off."

He just shrugs. "It's my name."

"And what? Rachel's the only person who calls you that?" She must have been paying attention when he introduced himself to all those other people or something.

"My mom does, too. And my sister."

Nadeera- _Dee- _is still smiling like she's in on some kind of joke with herself. "So why do you let Rachel? Because you're in love with her?"

And he laughs a little bit because... "Yeah... No. I don't know why she does, she just always has."

"Well, I don't wanna mess up the love affair, so I'll call you Puck."

He pours himself another drink and tops hers off, too. "I learned how to make that macchiato. You should come by and get it."

"I don't want it anymore."

"You should come by anyway."

She gives him this look that lets him know she's totally coming by.

…

He's super wasted by the time they leave the party, and there's no fucking way in hell he's going all the way home.

The girls take him back to the dorm, and Rachel's the only one in the whole group who can even put one foot in front of the other to find the elevator. He hasn't been this drunk in a really fucking long time, and he knows he's gonna feel like shit tomorrow.

He crawls into bed with Rachel, and she doesn't tell him to leave. She does pull the trash can over by the bed and tells him to aim his puke there if he's gonna be sick. The fuck ever, he's not gonna puke.

Her bed is really uncomfortable and _really _small. She rolls all the way over til she's practically spooning the fucking wall, and he rolls on his side because being on his back is giving him the spins.

He sleeps with Rachel for three reasons: One) she's his friend, and he knows she'll let him; Two) he's not sleeping on that hard ass floor; and Three) if he sleeps in Dee's bed, he's probably gonna end up fingering her or something.

It wouldn't be the worst idea, but he's pretty sure Rachel would have a serious problem with that.

…

He writes Rachel a love letter text, apologizing for getting wasted and having to crash at her place.

And by love letter, he means he tells her she's the best, sweetest, cutest thing on the planet- in other words, a bunch of shit that she won't take seriously but that he can swear by if he ever needs to in the future.

She writes him back and says, _Hahaha, very funny. Thanks for not throwing up in my bed. _

So she's not pissed at him.

…

Some dude comes in while he's working and starts fucking around on a guitar right there in the middle of the place.

It's not like there are a lot of people around or whatever because this place is hardly ever actually crowded. But it's still weird to just see some guy whip out a guitar and start playing like he owns the fucking place. But maybe that's just what happens in New York.

Puck makes him his drink and actually walks it out to him because he's bored, and it's not like there's much else to do. Dude's got a nice guitar, nicer than Puck's anyway. He says thanks when he gets his coffee but doesn't even look up.

"I play, too." Puck's not sure why he starts up a conversation with some random guy, but oh, well. Again, he's fucking _bored. _

"You, me, and everyone else in this fucking city." The guy still doesn't look up, but he plucks out a chord and then takes a drink of his coffee. "Any luck?"

"I just got here."

Dude finally looks up, and he's probably a few years older than Puck, but he can't be more than like twenty-five or something. "I've been here six years. Maybe you'll have better luck."

He lifts his coffee cup in some kind of fucked up toasting motion. Six fucking years.

Fuck that.

…

He has to work a double one day because Marquese fucking bails and says he has strep throat or something.

He's _not _happy. Eight hours in this place is too long- _twelve _hours is like some kind of cruel and unsual punishment. And seriously? He hasn't even done anything to deserve punishment this time, so it doubly sucks. But at least it's money, even though overtime is apparently some kind of foreign concept in this shit hole At least it's extra, though.

It's almost closing time, and the place is totally empty. He likes it like that because it means he gets to clean up and start packing shit in early. That way he can be totally finished and out the door like ten minutes after close. He hates when he's closing, and there's like assholes who want to sit there and sip on cold fucking coffee for an hour after the door's locked.

He's wiping down the fridge in the back when he hears the bell on the door, and he seriously says, "_Fuck you," _but at least he keeps his voice low enough so that whoever's out there can't hear it. He throws his towel across the room and goes back out front, trying really hard (okay, not _that _hard) to keep the scowl off his face.

But it turns into a smile anyway.

Dee's there, looking hot like normal, and she's all by herself, which means she came all the way out here specifically to see him. In the middle of the night. He likes that.

"I came for the macchiato."

He can think of a few other things he could make her come for, but he keeps them to himself because, yeah, not the time.

"Isn't there a 24 hour Starbucks next door to your building?" He's already getting the stuff out to make her drink, even though he just put it all up like two seconds ago.

"I was in the neighborhood." It's a lie, and she knows he knows it's a lie. She's playing a game, and he doesn't hate it.

He makes her the macchiato and puts extra caramel in it because she tells him to. Then he hands it to her, and she takes a sip and makes a face.

"This is terrible."

And he laughs because seriously, what the fuck. Then he leans over the counter so he can lower his voice- fuck the fact that there's nobody else here. "Wanna know a secret? If you complain, I have to comp it."

"I thought it was free anyway?"

"That deal's only good for my friends. Rachel's not here."

"Because she's afraid she's gonna fail a biology quiz tomorrow. Even though she's been studying for like four days straight." She rolls her eyes, and he doesn't even think she's exaggerating. Hell, Rachel's OCD study habits practically bought his diploma for him, so he's not going to judge her. "Fine," she says when it's clear that he's waiting on her to do it. "This tastes like shit, and I'm not paying for it." She raises her eyebrows at him, and he smiles.

"Well, then it's on the house."

She totally drinks the whole thing.

…

She's the first chick he actually takes back to his apartment.

It's a long-ass train ride, and he tells her on the way that his place is shitty and furniture free and not to fucking make fun of him for it. She tells him she will _definitely _make fun of him and then asks if he wants her to blow him before or _after _the first round.

Coolest chick ever.

…

Dee's hot, like super hot.

And once he starts fucking her, he kind of forgets about his plan to just sleep with tourist girls. Maybe it's a good thing, or maybe it's a bad thing. It's probably all in perspective. But what the hell ever- she's a sure thing. He's kind of got it locked down even though she doesn't come out and _say _that. But he knows.

He's not her boyfriend, and she's sure as fuck not his girlfriend. Neither of them think that shit, either, so it's cool. But he's not fucking anybody else, and he's pretty sure she's not, either. It's a total fuck buddy scenario, and that's totally fine because he's not looking for anything _besides _that.

She's really good in bed and into all kinds of shit that most girls are too shy to get into. She kind of reminds him of Santana, just with less of a bitch edge. Dee can be a bitch, sure, but she's not like an actual _mean _one. She just busts his balls sometimes because she thinks it's funny, not because she's just a cunt. That's the difference between her and Santana.

But sex-wise? They're kind of fucking similar.

He's not like flat out comparing them against each other because he's pretty damn sure both of them would freaking kill him for doing something that dumb. But they're both super hot, really fun to fuck, and totally vocal about what they want and what they like. And he's into that.

So they start hooking up pretty regularly, like at least a couple of times a week. She always comes to his place, even though it's way out of the way. He totally splurged and bought an actual bed after she bitched at him enough times, so she comes over a lot. It's not like he can go over to her place because her bed is literally six inches from Rachel's.

And Rachel kind of doesn't know any of it's going on...

Okay, honestly? It's not her fucking business. He's not under some obligation to tell her who he's getting naked with because it doesn't have anything to do with her. And she and Dee get along alright or whatever, but they're not super BFFs or anything. It's not like they tell each other every detail of their lives (or at least Dee doesn't tell Rachel- Rachel kind of tells everybody everything, mostly for the sake of hearing her own voice). But anyway, it just doesn't come up. From either end.

It's not like it's important anyway.

…

Rachel calls him one day, and she's totally crying.

He asks her what the hell's wrong with her, and she snots out some kind of half-sentence.

"_What?"_

"I'm _homesick!" _And she legitimately sounds like she's choking on her own fucking tears.

He doesn't get homesickness. Like, he seriously doesn't miss home at all. Okay, maybe he misses his mom a _little _bit, but she calls him all the fucking time, so it's not like he doesn't talk to her. And anyway, he's never been like attached to his mom's tit or anything. He's always been the kind of kid who took care of himself and didn't need Mommy and Daddy holding his hand ever step. And that's a good thing, considering the fact that Daddy's an asshole and fucked off without like a second thought for his wife and two little kids.

But seriously, he's always been independent, so he doesn't get the whole crying for home thing.

But when Rachel says, "Can I come over?" he says yes because he doesn't want to be a douche.

…

She's been to his studio before, but this is the first time she's coming over by herself, and he's not gonna lie- he's a little bit worried about her finding it.

She tells him to shut up and leave her alone when he voices that, so he does, but he's serious. It's a long fucking way from her dorm, and she's not the best with directions. Even directions that come in the form of an iPhone app that tells you exactly what train to take, where to connect, and what direction to walk when you leave the station.

But she makes it.

It takes her an hour and a half, but she makes it.

She's not crying anymore, but her cheeks are all pale, and her eyes are red and puffy. She's seriously got her lower lip sticking out in the same way his little sister does whenever she's trying to get her way. But his sister's ten, and Rachel's eighteen. So it's kind of less acceptable on her.

"You need to stop," and he's not even joking. "You're in fucking _New York City. _Stop missing _Lima."_

"I miss my dads." She sits down on his bed because, well, it's the only place to sit. She doesn't even bitch at him for it being so messy and not like perfectly made up or whatever. "And I miss our friends."

He wants to ask her what friends because he really doesn't miss any of them, to tell the truth. Maybe it's shitty, but it's true. He was kind of sick of most of them by the end anyway, and yeah, he's super cool with some of them, but he doesn't _miss _them. There's like Facebook and shit, so he knows what they're all doing. The only one he _kind of _misses is Finn, and that's just because he gets super bored sometimes and would like kill for an old school CoD match.

He has a feeling that Finn is the "friends" that Rachel's missing, too.

"You got me, Rach. It's gonna have to be good enough." He rolls his eyes at her, but she still looks sad.

She lays down on his bed, and he stops himself before he thinks about how good she looks like that. Her lip's still all stuck out and pouting. "I want to go home."

"No, you don't." He thinks it's dumb that they're even having this conversation because, hello, New York is like forty billion times better than Lima, and Rachel fucking knows that. "You just need a distraction."

"Like what?" She's got her hands tucked up under her chin, and he really thinks she needs to stop doing cute shit like that because it makes him want to kiss her or something. In fact, he can think of plenty of good distractions, but he doesn't say them.

Instead, he goes for, "Wanna get drunk?"

…

His neighbor downstairs is this forty year old dude who has a kid but no wife, and Puck's cool enough with him that he can ask for a favor and Rob'll do it.

So when he asks for a bottle of cheap vodka, Rob heads to the liquor store down the street and buys it for him. He even stops and picks up a half-gallon of OJ with the leftover cash, and Puck wants to hug him for it because he realizes about five minutes after he hands over a twenty dollar bill that the only thing he has to chase it with is some grape Kool-Aid, and he's pretty sure Rachel would gag before she even took a sip.

Then he remembers something Finn said one time, and fuck that. He's _not _trying to think about Rachel's gag reflex right now. Or lack thereof. Or _whatever._

He's only ever seen Rachel actually drunk a couple of times. She's not a _huge _partier, but she goes out. And he's seen her drink, not _often, _but it's happened. And here's one thing he knows for fucking sure- Rachel gets _handsy _when she's drunk. Not just like clingy, but for real _handsy._

She's totally the horny girl drunk, and it's funny as shit.

So she starts downing all this vodka and like laying all over him, and he doesn't hate it. She's a happy girl drunk, giggly and cute and all that shit. And she tells him thank you about a hundred times for "making me feel better!"

And then she starts talking about sex, and he doesn't know what to do with that.

Okay, he's not shy about sex. Like at all. He does it, he'll talk about it. That's just who he is. He isn't like _ashamed _of it. But Rachel's not like that. She's probably still got her parents (and probably half the people she knows) that she's a virgin even though she cashed that check months ago. She could still pull it off because she's just a _good girl. _She's sure as hell not the type of girl who goes around talking about it in public.

So when she asks him how old he was when he started doing it, he's kind of surprised. He's also kind of drunk, so it doesn't occur to him to lie or to avoid the question. And he laughs when she looks seriously shocked.

"I think I was still playing with _Barbies _then!"

"No, you weren't. You were already on that shit about them being unrealistic representations of women." He says it without thinking, and she stares at him like she doesn't know _what _to say to that. He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, you made my sister cry with that shit because you tried to get her to throw one away."

And that's the truth. He didn't really associate with Rachel back then, but he sure as hell knew who she was because they'd been in the same school and the same temple their whole fucking lives. And that was back when they both got dragged to services on the regular, and he had to listen to her spew all kinds of crap all the time because their temple was basically just full of adults who thought she was cute and smart, and he couldn't exactly talk shit to her when his mom was always like five feet away. So he just saved it up for school.

He was a douchebag, fucking sue him.

She must get over her momentary astonishment or whatever because she leans back against the wall and throws her legs over his. "Well, I didn't do it until last year." He knows that, and she fucking knows that he knows that.

"Well, you know what they say. Once you pop, you can't stop."

She actually snorts like she's never heard that before, but then she's shaking her head. "I haven't done it since Finn dumped me."

But that was... "Since _April?" _Holy shit, he's never gone that long since he was seriously fourteen.

Rachel's cheeks aren't pale anymore. They're all red with drunkenness, and she still kind of looks like she's blushing even under all that. "I thought I should do it again maybe." She's looking down at her lap, which is cute, and he hates it.

"Yeah, maybe." He probably sounds like a sarcastic jerkoff, but the fuck ever. _Maybe._

But then Rachel's looking back up and giggling again. "I need to find a boyfriend."

He doesn't know what's so goddamn giggle-worthy about that, but he figures she's just drunk. Anyway, "You don't need a boyfriend to have sex. Just go find somebody to fuck."

"I can't do that!" She giggles again. "That's gross."

"Not gross. It's better that way." He thumps at her knee and grabs the bottle to pour himself another shot. He's at the point where he can do it with no chaser, so that's cool.

Rachel makes this face and shakes her head. "Ew, no."

He doesn't know why he tickles her knee after that, but it turns out she's totally ticklish, and she like seriously screams and tries to get away. But now that he knows she's ticklish, he wants to get the rest of it out. He's got her on her back and pinned down, and it's probably totally not safe at all, but whatever. She's screaming and laughing and pushing at him, and he finally lets her up only because she tells him she's gonna puke.

Turns out, she's totally lying, and she cracks up the second she's safely in a sitting position.

…

He grabs a flier one day from some dude on the street and finds out about some open mic thing downtown on Sunday night.

He's not really down for singing or whatever. Yeah, he's done it before, but it's different when it's like you by yourself and in public and not to like win a competition or whatever. But he wouldn't mind killing a couple songs on the guitar.

He texts this guy he met in the hostel and asks him if he wants to go in with him or whatever and work on some shit. Nick's still in town, and he texts back and says sure because they fucked around a few times just jamming, and they were kind of sick together.

So it's open mic at some dumpy club. Who cares? It's just for fun, and anyway, this is what he came here to do, right?

At this point, playing anything in New York kind of sounds dope.

…

A/N: Part one of two. Part two coming soonish! I just got back from New York, so writing this makes me sad... But I'll just live vicariously through these guys, I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

**BLEED MY HEART OUT ON THIS PAPER**

**Part 2**

…

Finn texts him one day when he's on the way to work and asks if he can come visit.

He's kind of surprised because he didn't really expect Finn to be visiting, at least not this soon. It's not like he's got a ton of money or anything, but maybe he's saving some up living at home this year. He's in school, but he's still got way more time to work than ever before, and Burt doesn't fucking gyp people on pay, not even his own kids. So maybe Finn's actually getting a good start on a savings account or something.

Regardless, he texts him back and says yeah because Finn's his boy, and it'll be fun. It's a good thing he says yeah, though, because Finn's already got a plane ticket and texts back that he'll be there on the 9th, which is seriously twelve days away.

So, looks like he'll be getting his very first visitor really freaking soon.

…

He wakes up, and it's really fucking dark.

Dee's asleep beside him, and he knows it's not really fuck buddy etiquette to let the chick sleep in your bed or whatever, but who cares? She's like eighteen years old, this isn't the best neighborhood, and he's not gonna just make her leave and go wondering around by herself if she doesn't want to. He's not a _total _dick. She doesn't stay _all _the time. Sometimes grabs a cab home- Mommy and Daddy are rich, so it's not like she cares much that cabs back to Manhattan are fucking expensive.

But if she wants to stay, he lets her.

He grabs his phone off the floor and sees that it's 5:09. And seriously, he hates that shit. He hates waking up early like that because he can never just fall back to sleep, and then when he finally _does _feel tired enough to sleep, it's always almost time to actually wake up for real. It sucks.

He needs to piss, so he climbs over Dee, and the coldness of the wood floor hits his feet like a bullet. He ends up like literally running (all six inches) to the bathroom, but when he tries to turn the light on, nothing happens. He flips the switch like ten times trying to magically make the lights come on, but it doesn't work.

Fucking blackout.

He pees in the dark and then goes back to bed, trying really hard not to trip over random shit that might be lying god knows where in the floor. The power better be back on tomorrow, or he's gonna be seriously pissed. He's not paying a billion dollars a month to live in some craphole that doesn't even have _electricity._

"What are you doing?" Dee's barely mumbling and still obviously mostly asleep when he crawls over her again to get back in bed.

"The fucking lights are out." He's wide awake and mad as shit right now.

"Are you scared of the dark?" She's still mumbling and slurring her words, but he can tell she's waking up a little bit. "That's really lame..."

"You're really lame." It's a dumb comeback, but whatever. It's five o'clock in the fucking morning.

"That's not what you were saying a few hours ago." She's more awake now, and his eyes are adjusted enough to where he can just barely make out her smile. Her eyes are still closed, but she's coming around.

So he fucks with her a little bit. "I don't remember."

"You need a refresher." It's a statement, not a question, and he fucking loves that.

So she refreshes his memory, and he fucks her into a little blackout of her own.

It's not a _totally _lame morning

…

His boss tells him that they're closing the coffee shop down for ten days for "vacation."

Like seriously. The dude and his wife and kids are going to fucking Baltimore, and they're shutting down the whole place for _ten days. _Puck's never heard of some shit like that. Like somebody just closing their business down for a freaking family vacation.

This kind of shit would never happen at Starbucks.

And whatever, okay, he's cool with ten days off- that part is awesome- but ten days without _pay _isn't all that amazing. He can't really afford that, and plus, he thinks it's just plain _rude _of his boss to just shut down and not give two fucking thoughts to the fact that the people who work there like depend on that stupid paycheck to like live and shit. Seriously, rent's due in a week, and his savings account is already looking pretty sad.

This sucks.

…

The only good thing about being off work (besides not having to be anywhere or do anything) is the fact that it gives him a couple of days to prepare before the open mic thing.

Nick comes over to his apartment, and they talk about what they want to do and how to make it sound and shit. They fuck around a little bit, and yeah, they sound pretty good. But really, there are only so many classic covers they can do before they all start sounding the same.

That's not exactly a good thing.

…

They show up at the club on Sunday and find a couple of seats toward the back of the bar.

It sucks, being here and not being able to drink. They could probably swing it somehow if they really tried (one of the bartenders is hot, and Puck could totally convince her to serve them), but that's a whole lotta effort, and they're both kind of lazy as fuck.

So they sit at this little table and watch all these different people get up on the slab of wood that's apparently "the stage." And fuck, there are like seriously a lot of people here who aren't even fucking around. They're _good. _

And they're playing in some dumpy ass bar for free.

He tells Nick he doesn't want to do it anymore, and he just kind of gets a half-nod because Nick can look up there and freaking know what's going on in his head. So they hang around for a little bit and watch a few more people.

Then they leave because there's seriously nothing worth sticking around for.

…

There's this note on his door when he gets home from the gym one day saying the building has to be vacated for two days.

Apparently some fuckwad got evicted, and his apartment was fucking crawling in roaches. And whatever, there's roaches all over the place in this building, but this was apparently crazy out of control or something because they have to do an intense fumigation of the whole freaking building.

So "all residents and animals must vacate the premises by 9 AM Thursday."

Fuck. He doesn't know what the hell he's supposed to do. He could go pay for a place to stay for a couple of nights, but he doesn't need to spend money unless he like absolutely _has _to, especially since he's out of work for a week and a half. So hell, the only thing he can really do is bum.

He calls Rachel because she's the only person in the city he knows enough that he would even ask, and she tells him of _course _he'll stay with her. And, "It'll be like a sleepover!" She's fucking crazy.

But yeah, it's Rachel.

…

It doesn't occur to him that it might be weird until he actually gets to Rachel's room and sees all of Dee's shit spread out all over the place.

No, he didn't like forget that they lived together or whatever, but he seriously hasn't been around them both at the same time in awhile, and okay, so he kind of put it out of his head. And he hasn't even seen Dee in like almost a week because she told him she was busy with some big test or something, and it's not like they talk on the regular when they aren't fucking, so it doesn't cross his mind to like text her and talk about this. But he's pretty sure Rachel would have cleared it or whatever, so maybe she'll be cool with it.

She's not around when he first gets there, and he makes a point not to ask where she is because he doesn't want Rachel nosing around or getting suspicious or whatever. He's got no intention of telling her what's up between him and her roommate, and the less she has to go on, the fucking better as far as he's concerned. Anyway, it's not like he has a huge chance to ask much of anything because Rachel starts blabbing like the second he gets there, telling him what her schedule is and that he's welcome to just hang around if he wants but that he can't leave and come back if she's not there to escort him because of the building rules. He wants to tell her that there are probably like at least a hundred people sneaking in and out of this building on a daily basis and that she needs to calm the F down, but he doesn't because it's not even worth it. She won't listen anyway. So he just nods and acts like he's listening.

"Do you want to get breakfast? I don't have class until this afternoon, and I already had a smoothie, but I'm sure you're hungry. We can go to that place on the corner. I've never been there, but everybody says they have really great bagels." She's talking like a million words a minute, but all he hears is food, so yeah.

Rachel talks the whole time it takes them to walk down to the bakery and back to her place, and he just keeps pretending to listen because it's way less dramatic than just telling her to shut up (trust him, he's done it before- totally _not _worth it).

When they get back to her room, he sits down at her desk to eat, and she starts digging through her closet for a sweater because she told him it was "cold" outside on the way back from the bakery. It's like 70 degrees, which isn't cold like at _all_, and he's almost positive that she just wants an excuse to pull on some pony sweater or something. He could let her embarrass herself, or he could distract her. So he does the right thing and goes for distraction.

"Finn's coming next week."

Okay, so maybe it's a shitty thing to do- to spring that on her like that, especially since she's never really given much indication that she's even over Finn. But whatever. She's gonna find out sooner or later, so he might as well just tell her now.

The distraction works because she slides the closet door back closed and turns around. "Why?"

He shrugs and licks some cream cheese off the edge of his finger (whoever said these bagels were the shit was fucking _right, _by the way). "I guess he just wants to get out of town for a few days."

"Is he staying with you?"

"Where the hell else would he be staying?"

Rachel kind of gives him a dirty look, but he ignores it. It takes her a second, but she gets it together and manages to change the pissy look into a weird one that he thinks is probably supposed to be indifferent. "Well, I'm sure that will be fun. Tell him I said hi."

"You don't wanna see him?"

Rachel blinks a few too many times, and then she shrugs. "You guys can drop in if you want."

Drop in. Who the fuck says that? Oh, right.

He doesn't get a chance to make fun of her because the door opens, and Dee's there looking pissed off and tired and kind of like she just woke up even though she's obviously already been to class. She looks rough and messy, and yeah, he's seen her naked and first thing in the morning when she wakes up, but this sweatshirt/ponytail/no make up kind of thing isn't something he's really used to.

She stops for a second when she sees him sitting there, and then she actually _rolls her eyes _right before she drops her bag down right by the door and just walks past them without saying anything. She yanks the sweatshirt over her head and for real seriously throws it at the wall, and then she shoves some stuff off her bed and lays down.

"Are you okay?" Rachel sounds almost scared when she asks, but she can't just take the hint and leave the chick alone, which is _clearly _what she wants.

"I failed that stupid fucking exam." She yanks her pillows around until she gets them the way she wants them and just lies there on her back with her arms crossed. "I seriously didn't know anything, and I studied for like a whole week!"

"I'm sure you didn't actually _fail_ it." Rachel's going for sympathetic with this tone, but it totally comes off condescending, so the _fuck you _look she gets for it isn't exactly a shock.

So yeah, he's staying out of _that _one.

…

Dee gets over her bitch fit sometime around dinner.

It seriously takes her all fucking day, but she finally starts acting normal again. And then she tells him that she's hungry and that she wants to get drunk. He's down with both of those things, but Rachel says she can't get drunk on a Thursday because she has class tomorrow. She's being fucking lame, and she knows it. But whatever, Puck doesn't have class, so he's up for it.

They all go to this crappy looking Mexican place where Dee swears she can get served, and she's right because ten minutes after they sit down, there's a pitcher of margaritas on the table. They kind of OD on chips and salsa, so by the time the food actually arrives, they're not even hungry. And Rachel refuses to eat hers when it gets there because she says, "They didn't make it right!" Well, no shit- she spent like an hour telling the server what she wanted out of some magical Mexican vegan dish she made up in her head. It's not a shock that they fucked it up.

Anyway, the margaritas are awesome, and even without Rachel participating, they still make it through two and a half pitchers before they can't do anymore. Plus it's like after eleven, and Rachel's whining that she needs to go to sleep because she has a 6 AM workout. He wants to tell her that's her first mistake, but he doesn't. He thinks she probably knows that shit anyway.

After they settle up the bill and go back to the dorm, Rachel announces that she's going to take a shower, so she grabs all her shit and disappears, which obviously leaves Puck alone with Dee.

"Thanks for the heads up that you were gonna be avoiding my space for however long." She sounds bitchy, but it also sounds pretty fake.

"I figured Rachel would." It's not a lie. He _did _figure that- at least when he took the time to think about it.

"She did."

Okay... "So?" 

"So you should have, too."

"Don't ignore me for a week, and maybe next time I will." He's being an asshole, but so what? She's being a bitch.

"Sorry I have to do something else in life besides suck at making coffee."

"Fuck you." He's dead ass serious, too, stupid cunt.

But she just rolls her eyes. "Yeah, maybe. Too bad you gotta sleep with Little Miss Muffet instead."

She sounds _exactly _like Santana right now, and he doesn't really like it. He doesn't have time to deal with some stupid bitch being butt hurt over god knows what. He didn't even fucking do anything to her.

"How bout you _not _talk shit about her, okay?"

Dee rolls her eyes, and he seriously doesn't even know what's up her ass. Maybe she's just drunk and belligerent. He is a little bit, too, so it's probably not a good mix.

But seriously, fuck her.

…

After two days of being forced under Rachel's crazy schedule and two days of trying to ignore her roommate, Puck's ready to go the fuck home.

He doesn't even care that his whole building still reeks of bug spray or that nobody thought to open a window or something and let that crap air out. He's just glad to be out of that tiny little dorm room with two crazy girls.

His bed and open suitcase don't really seem like the worst thing in the world right now.

…

Finn's plane gets in, and Puck texts him the address so he can get a taxi.

He texts back when he's outside the building because he says he doesn't know how to work the buzzer and doesn't want to be calling random people. Puck's not even gonna bust his balls for that because that shit's confusing. Instead, he just buzzes him up and doesn't bother to go down and help him with his crap. He's only got one bag anyway, so not like it matters.

It's really fucking cool to see him.

Puck didn't really give it much thought, but when he opens his door and sees Finn coming up the stairs he gets like super happy. It's weird because he doesn't really miss much about anything in Lima, including his friends, but when he actually _sees _Finn, it feels like he hasn't seen him in ten years or something.

So he grabs him and hugs him like he's his long-lost best friend because, well, he kind of is.

…

Turns out Finn hates everything about his life, and he's apparently just been letting it all build up because it literally just comes bursting out.

Puck gets it, though. Like he knows how frustrating it would be to be stuck in Lima at home while everyone else is off doing their own thing. And it's not like it's Finn's fault, either- he sure as hell didn't _plan _to still be living with his parents and going to school in town, but football injuries and whatever fucking else happened, and there he is. At least for now. So it sucks, and Puck totally gets that.

"My mom and Burt are driving me nuts! It's like with Kurt gone, they're so bored or something, they actually have to talk to me. I'm going crazy, dude."

Puck doesn't miss his mom being down his back all the time or whatever. It's much better like this, where he can avoid her and just actually pick up the phone when he _wants _to talk to her. Not that his mom is terrible or anything, but shit, he doesn't miss her being on his ass about stupid shit, that's for damn sure.

"And there's nothing to _do. _Man, it's so freaking boring!"

Puck believes that, too. Most of their friends graduated and moved away, and Lima's bad enough when you _have _people to hang out with. He doesn't want to imagine what it's like when you _don't. _It's gotta be hell.

He lets Finn vent for however long, and eventually they start talking about other shit. Like New York and how it both sucks and doesn't suck at the same time. Puck leaves out the part about losing all his musical self-confidence in one crappy little bar one night. Instead, he just says that he has to work a lot and that he's just trying to get settled. It's bullshit, but Finn buys it easily enough, probably because he doesn't have any reason _not _to buy it.

Then he asks about Rachel.

And here's the thing with Rachel and Finn. Yeah, they broke up, but it wasn't like either one of them _wanted _to break up. Finn just dumped her because she was getting all insane acting like she was going to stay in Lima and shit, and fuck, everybody knows that Rachel in Lima for like one second longer than absolutely necessary is totally against the universe or something. Out of everybody, that girl needed out the _most, _so Finn stepped in when she was acting like a crazy person and fixed it.

But he fucked them both up in the process.

But whatever. High school is high school, and that shit isn't supposed to be forever. It sucks that they had to break up like that when it wasn't really what either one of them wanted, but honestly, it was just speeding up the inevitable. It was gonna be a lose/lose situation any other way. Either Rachel was going to stay in Lima and give up on all her dreams and shit and totally end up resenting Finn and everything else, or she was going to go to New York and they would try to do some long-distance shit that would make them both feel like crap until one of them ended up cheating, and then they'd end up hating each other. So yeah, breaking up was seriously probably the best thing. Even if it kind of seemed totally stupid and mean at the time.

So when Finn asks about her, Puck tells him. He tells him that Rachel's doing pretty good and that she loves New York but that she's kind of homesick sometimes. He tells him that she loves NYU and her program and that she's got friends and that everything's good for her. Most of it's not even a lie. Finn doesn't say much, just kind of nods and says that's good, and that's basically it.

Puck tries not to notice.

…

Rachel's actually the one who texts him and asks if Finn's in town.

He doesn't know why the fuck she doesn't just text Finn herself, but whatever. Maybe she doesn't feel like she's allowed to text him or something since they're broken up, but that's dumb. It's not like they _hate _each other, they just don't really talk a lot. For kind of obvious reasons. But it's stupid, and it kind of annoys him. But he answers her anyway.

It takes her like ten minutes to reply, and when she does, he can tell she's trying way too hard to sound like she doesn't give a shit. He doesn't call her on it or whatever, just tells her that they'll come by some time and he'll text her. Rachel says okay and then tells him that she misses him, which is fucking weird because he just spent two nights in her cramped up little dorm room. Plus they live in the same freaking city.

But whatever, he doesn't call her on that, either.

…

He seriously doesn't mean to hook up with Dee again.

Like for real. They haven't spoken since he was staying over there, and even when she sees him this time, all she does is give him some bitchy look. So whatever, he doesn't need that shit, and she's not even worth it anyway.

But it literally takes ten fucking minutes for Finn to ask Rachel if she wants to _take a walk, _and they're like disappearing and leaving Puck alone in the dorm room with Dee who's faking like she's studying for some test or something. It takes _her _about thirty seconds to flip her bitch switch to max and start running her mouth.

"So you must be pissed the dude she actually _likes _is back, huh?"

And seriously? What in the fucking _fuck? _"The hell are you talking about?"

"Isn't that the love of her life? God knows she hasn't shut the fuck up about him since I freaking met her. So you must be pissed."

He wants to tell her to go fuck herself, but he's also legitimately curious as to what the fuck she thinks is going on because whatever the hell it is, it's news to him.

"So being in love with your best friend's girlfriend must have been _shit _for you, huh? Then you got her all to yourself, but now he's back, and you're probably pissed as hell."

"I'm not in love with Rachel." And it's true. He doesn't know why he actually feels the need to deny it, but shit. He's _not. _And he doesn't know where the hell Dee gets that or why the hell she's suddenly such a raging cunt. "And fuck you anyway, you don't know shit."

"Are you gonna let them fuck at your place? Because they're sure as hell not doing it here."

"Fuck you," and whatever, so he's said it like fifty times, he doesn't give a shit. She's such a fucking _bitch. _Like he seriously has no idea why he ever thought she was cool. She's acting just like Santana now, and he knows what that is- that's fucking _jealousy. _She's jealous of Rachel and possibly whatever she thinks is going on with him and Rachel, and it's _dumb._

"You keep saying that, but you don't ever do anything about it."

She's got her eyebrows all raised and her arms crossed, and this is totally some kind of challenge or something. He doesn't even know what the fuck she's supposed to be challenging him on. This is retarded, and he's just about to tell her to fuck off again when he decides that if she's gonna be a bitch, he might as well take her up on it.

So that's how they end up starting the angry sex. She's totally into it, and he's not dumb- he knows she started that shit on purpose just to get a rise out of him (and yeah, she got a rise), but that's how they end up with him pushing her down on her bed and just about getting halfway naked for seriously the first time ever in this room. And she just lets him because she totally wants it. She throws out a couple more insults, but they're weak at best. And then she's got her hand in his pants and she's practically begging him to let her blow him (yeah, she's _that _girl). It's hot as fuck.

You know, until the door opens, and they're not exactly alone anymore.

He doesn't need to look over to imagine the scene. Really, he doesn't _want _to look over. He doesn't want to see Rachel or Finn right now, and he kind of wishes he could legitimately disappear. He seriously expects Rachel to start going crazy, screaming at them and all this other shit. But she doesn't. Maybe she's like in shock or something, but there's just silence for like five-hundred hours, and then he hears the door shut again.

And they're gone.

Dee giggles like that shit is funny or something. It's not. Like at all. He almost gets up to go after them, but the bitch in bed with him actually makes sense when she says, "Whatever, it's not their business."

And it's not, okay? He doesn't get in their business, so they should stay the hell out of his. He can fuck whoever he wants, and neither one of them can say shit about it.

So that's what he does- he fucks her. And he totally doesn't even feel bad.

…

He kind of feels a _little _bit bad when Rachel won't look at him and Finn starts giving him shit on the way home.

Really, he doesn't need some kind of fucking lecture from Finn Hudson. And he tells him that pretty fucking quickly. Finn, though, says he's not trying to lecture but that the whole thing is pretty fucked up.

"It's her _roommate, _man."

Puck rolls his eyes because seriously? Finn has no clue about these chicks. "They're not even real _friends." _And it's true. They don't hate each other or whatever, and sometimes they hang out, but if they were actually going to form some kind of friendship bond or something, it would've happened by now.

"It's still weird. And like, rude."

"Rude?" Puck almost wants to laugh, but it's not even funny. "It's Dee's room, too."

"Well, Rachel's not bringing random guys in and doing that stuff!" And it's kind of amusing how Finn's voice gets louder throughout that sentence like he's somehow gonna will it to be true.

Just to fuck with him, Puck says, "That you know of." Finn gives him a bitchface, and he just rolls his eyes. "And whatever, it's not random."

"How long?"

He shrugs. "Since a few weeks after school started."

"_Dude."_

"What?"

"You could've at least given Rachel a heads up or something."

"It's not her goddamn _business."_

And it's _not. _Shit, why can't anyone else comprehend that?

…

Finn takes Rachel out to dinner, and it's as close to a damn date as actually buying roses and showing up on the front porch.

Puck's pissed.

Not because they're on a date or whatever (he doesn't care, and he definitely ignores the stupid stab of jealousy he used to get at that shit). But he's pissed that Finn's leaving the next day, and instead of spending it at the apartment or fucking around in the city somewhere, he's off on a freaking date with his ex-girlfriend. And Puck's sitting at home trying to figure out the guitar chords for the newest Coldplay shit.

It sucks.

…

Finn gets back, and it's like after midnight.

Puck's not even really sure how he found his way all the way back to the apartment by himself, but he's kind of impressed. What he's _not _impressed with is the way he can tell some kind of sex just happened the second he walks in the door. He doesn't say anything, though, just waits while Finn kicks off his shoes and flops down on the bed like a dead weight bag of potatoes or some shit.

There's like two minutes of silence that Puck fills up with the few random chords he's figured out in the last few hours, and then finally Finn sits back up and pushes a hand over his face.

"I'm so fucked."

"I can tell."

What? He asked for it with that. But Finn obviously doesn't find it funny or whatever because he gives Puck this WTF look that's kind of fucking funny all on its own.

"Dude, I'm serious." Puck shrugs because whatever, he doesn't give a shit about whatever stupid crap is going on between Finn and Rachel. Really, he doesn't even want to hear about it, but Finn keeps talking anyway. "And now Rachel's crying and all upset, and I don't know what the fuck to do."

Okay, clearly there's like a whole huge chunk of the story missing there, but if you fuck a girl and she ends up in tears, there's a pretty big problem. Like seriously.

"What the hell did you do?"

"We..." It's like Finn's incapable of saying the word or something, which is just dumb, but it's Finn, so yeah. "I told her it was a mistake."

Puck just stares at him because _seriously? _Finn's an even bigger dumbass than he gets credit for. It takes him a second to even comprehend it, and then he's shaking his head in for real disbelief. "You fucked her and then you told her it was a _mistake? _Are you _stupid, _man?"

"I shouldn't have even come here. I knew this would happen."

"So why the hell did you _let_ it happen?" Puck's seriously shocked that somebody's _that _stupid, and he's known Finn like his whole life. He's done some pretty dumb things and even some kind of douchey things, but this one is just over the top. "Dude, seriously. You don't do that to a chick like ever. Especially not one like _Rachel. _She's batshit and also like _in love _with you. Are you seriously trying to make her slit her wrists or something?"

Finn gives him a fuck you look, but the hell ever. That shit's real, and Finn knows it. Rachel can't handle that kind of crap, especially not from _Finn. _

"I didn't mean for it to happen." Finn looks like _he _might try offing himself, too. Like for real miserable. "But I can't... We broke up. It was for real."

Puck rolls his eyes. He's so not fixing this one.

…

Except he kind of has to.

Because a week after Finn leaves, Rachel's still not speaking to him, and he's kind of worried about her. But whatever, he has a job and a couple of friends, and it's not like he spends every single second worrying about Rachel and whether or not she's functioning yet. She's obviously pissed at him, and it's not like he can go back and undo what made her mad in the first place. So he just chills.

And then Dee texts him one day out of the blue (he hasn't exactly talked to _her, _either) and tells him that Rachel keeps skipping class and is barely even getting out of bed. And okay, he was joking about her being suicidal, but it does sound like she's seriously depressed or something. He can't just ignore it, so he texts her back and tells her he'll come over.

He's gonna kick Finn's ass for this shit.

…

Dee comes down to sign him in and leaves before he even goes upstairs.

He doesn't even really notice that she barely says two words to him, and he doesn't exactly care, either. She's kind of a bitch, and he doesn't really feel like dealing with it right now. Girls are too damn needy, and he's kind of over it. But he still has to fix Rachel or whatever.

The door's unlocked because Dee left it like that, and he doesn't hear or see anything when he goes in. But then he sees that the pile of blankets on Rachel's bed is actually, well, _Rachel, _and she doesn't even move when she hears somebody come in. Okay, she probably assumes it's Dee or whatever, but it could be a rapist or something, and she needs to be more aware.

"Somebody could break in here and murder you, and you wouldn't even move."

Yeah, he's an asshole, but it's true. And it works because Rachel's head moves a little and like appears from under the blankets. She blinks at him like it's the first time she's seeing light in a week (it might be), and then she kind of glares at him.

"Go away."

"Sorry, can't." He sits down on the end of her bed and shoves her legs until he's got room for his ass. It pisses her off, but he doesn't really care. "Not until you decide to become one of the living again. And take a shower or something."

"I don't smell," she snaps, and he didn't even say she did. She _doesn't _(not that he notices anyway), but her hair's a tangled mess and her eyes are all crusty. She looks _rough. _

"Nobody said you did, but it's time to get up." He kind of smacks her calves, and she flinches and then kicks him in the side. It hurts, but he doesn't show it or whatever. "Come on, angel. Rise and shine."

She glares at him again like he just called her a bitch instead of an angel. And okay, maybe he was being kind of sarcastic, but still. "I told you to go away."

"I can't. Not til you get the fuck up and stop acting like a baby."

Rachel sits up then, and he can totally tell that she hasn't changed clothes in at least two days. She looks pissed as hell, but at least it's better than the zombie look. He knows she's about to go off, so he just blinks at her and waits.

"You can go screw yourself, _jackass." _He almost laughs because it's the worst thing he's ever heard come out of her mouth. She looks dead ass serious, though, so he keeps it together and just lets her finish. "This isn't any of your business, and you can tell your friend that I hope he falls off a cliff and dies."

"Whoa, harsh." She seriously looks like she's gonna reach over and strangle him. "And for real, Rach, is it even that serious? I mean, come on now."

"You don't even make sense when you speak!" She's halfway to hysterical, and he's having a hard time not finding it hilarious. "He's an asshole, and I don't need _you_ coming in here trying to defend him. Go get your own life!"

"Do you seriously think I _want _to be dealing with this shit? I mean, Finn's a fucking idiot, but so are you, so stop acting like some goddamn victim and get the fuck out of bed. You're gonna fail all your classes or something if you don't grow up and get over it."

Rachel just stares at him, and he can tell she doesn't even know which part of that to go off about first. It takes a few seconds. "You don't know anything about my school, so shut up! And don't call me an idiot! I can act however I want to act, and it doesn't have anything to do with you!"

"You _are _an idiot!" She's so pissed, but he doesn't care. "You fucked him! And you knew how it would end! It's not like he lied to you or something and made it seem like you guys were still together. Fuck, Rachel, it's not all on him."

She looks like she's about to explode with anger, but then her face scrunches up, and she's crying within like five seconds. _Fuck. _

"Stop crying."

It doesn't work. She totally ignores him and just busts out with, "I know it's not all his fault! I just thought..." She hiccups on some really nasty snot or something. "I just wanted it to be something else." She's crying like somebody just shot her dog or something, and he seriously cannot deal.

"It's over. Just deal with it and move on." It's harsh, yeah, but shit, it's the truth. He can't handle this crap.

"I _miss _him."

Puck has to work really hard not to roll his eyes. He keeps it in check, though, so that's good. "Rachel, I'm gonna be really real with you right now." She just looks at him, so he breaks it down. "Finn's in Ohio. You're here. You both need to move on because it ain't gonna happen."

She's not crazy snotting or anything anymore, but she's still crying, and he hates how fucking _miserable _she looks when he says that. But shit. It's the truth, and she needs to hear it.

"I thought he wanted me back..."

"No, you didn't."

And whatever, it's the truth. She knew it wasn't like that, no matter what she might have _wanted. _She needs to own up to it.

"It was a mistake." She says it all slow and shit, like she's repeating the same stuff Finn said to her except it's finally sinking in. It's kind of depressing, but it's good for her. She needs to realize that it's not the end of the world.

And sometimes shit just happens.

…

Things go back to normal with him and Rachel.

She starts getting out of bed and like going to class and shit. She texts him a lot, like she used to, and he calls her sometimes just to check on her. She's doing fine, and he's glad because getting that upset over some stupid high school shit is just stupid.

He's got a whole Saturday night off, and he thinks about going out or something but decides to just chill at home. He needs to spend some QT with his guitar because he's starting to think he's going nowhere fast on that front. It's just like _pointless. _That dude in the coffee shop was right- everybody in this whole fucking city is trying to make it, and he's just one more asshole playing in his crappy apartment.

Fuck, he could be playing in his bedroom at home and not spending $900 a month on rent. It's kind of really fucking depressing when he actually takes the time and like _thinks _about it. He's been here three months, and the closest he's gotten to playing for _anyone _was chickening out at a freaking open mic night. If he can't even handle that shit, what the hell is he doing here?

It's been awhile, but he shoves his guitar across the floor and picks up his phone to text Dee. She might be at a party or something, but maybe he can convince her to leave.

It probably won't be that difficult.

…

His little sister calls him one morning sounding all sad and shit and says she misses him.

It's weird as fuck because they don't really get along all that great. They get along _okay, _but there's a pretty big age difference, and she's really fucking annoying. They fight probably more than is okay, considering the fact that she's just a kid and he's not. But whatever. They don't hate each other or anything- they're just not overly affectionate or whatever.

So basically, he knows something's up.

He calls her on it, and she tells him that she's grounded. It's kind of hilarious because she's literally never been grounded in her whole fucking life because their mom's always been too busy staying on _his _ass to notice whatever the hell she's doing. But now he's gone, and Mom must be bored or something because she's finally paying attention and realizing that maybe her sweet little angel baby girl really ain't all that angelic. So his sister's screwed.

Yeah, it's funny.

She gets pissed off when he laughs, and he tells her to get over it. Then he tells her that there's a window prop underneath the sill in his room and that she can get out there and use the ledge to slide down to the yard. Whatever, she's eleven, so it's not like she's got a whole fucking ton of places to go anyway, but he can do her one solid and teach her how to get out so she can go to the mall with her friends or whatever. And for future reference.

He's a good big brother.

…

He has a dream about Rachel.

It's awesome, but it kind of sucks because he literally hasn't dreamed about her at all since they've been in New York. He almost tricked himself into thinking he was getting over it, but his subconscious must still secretly want to hit that or something because she's doing all kinds of nasty shit in his dream. And when he wakes up, he's hard as fuck, alone, and pissed the hell off.

He takes a shower even though he doesn't have to be anywhere for another four hours, but he needs something to ease the pressure down there. He tries really hard not to think about Rachel while he's, you know... but he does anyway because that's what's in his head, and damn.

He really needs to get laid.

…

Rachel randomly comes in one night while he's working.

He's wiping down the back counter and trying really hard to ignore the fuckwits in the corner who seem intent on literally swallowing each other's tongues. If he didn't actually need this job, he'd tell them to just fuck already and put on a real show if they're so determined. But he doesn't because he needs his paycheck. So, yeah.

But then Rachel comes in and marches right up to the counter. He turns around and is surprised to see her, yeah, but he can totally tell she's pissed or something because she doesn't give him the normal blinding smile that she usually does whenever she shows up here.

"What's up with you?"

"Can I have a coffee?" She shoves her purse onto the counter and leans into it like she's too tired to stand up.

He makes her a drink, soy milk and all that shit, and she doesn't even offer to pay for it. Instead she just takes the lid off, blows on it like three times, and then starts drinking it.

"The hell is your problem?" he asks again because so far she hasn't said a damn word about anything, other than asking if she can have some caffeine.

"My professor told me I'm destined for cruise ship entertainment."

He laughs. It's totally _not _the right reaction, but it just slips out, and he can't help it. She looks like she wants to kill him maybe, and he seriously thinks she might throw some scalding hot coffee at his face or something.

She doesn't, though. Instead, she's just super pissed. "I'm glad you think it's so damn hilarious!"

"Why did he say that?"

"He said I'm _karaoke_.And he said I have good tonal structure but that I'm a terrible actress!"

"Well, cruise ships could be dope, right? I mean, you get to go to the beach all the time for free and shit."

He's totally joking with her, but she is _not _in the mood. Clearly.

"This is not funny! This is my _life, _Noah! What am I even doing here if I'm not even going to have a shot?"

It's kind of the same question he's been asking himself lately.

So he just shrugs and says the only thing that sounds right. "Fuck him, Rach. He's just one dude."

"He knows things." She looks seriously sad. "If he says I'm horrible, then I must be."

"You're not." She looks at him, like she's just waiting for him to finish that up with some huge compliment or something, but he's not all into that. She's not stupid. She knows she's good, and he shouldn't have to spell it out for her. "Just prove him wrong."

Rachel frowns and drinks some more of her coffee. Her hair's down and like falling all in her face; she looks cute but miserable, and that's crappy. So he tries to make her feel better.

"I get off in an hour. Wanna come over and hang out?"

…

'Hang out' to Rachel actually means getting shit-faced.

She's the one who comes up with the idea, and it's not like he's gonna say no. So he asks his dude downstairs to go buy them some stuff from the liquor store. Rachel isn't even pretending like she wants to do anything else besides get super drunk, and she starts mixing herself a drink the second they actually get the alcohol.

She's barefoot in the middle of his floor pouring some rum into a plastic cup he saved from some restaurant, and it's kind of fucking hilarious. It's a Tuesday, and she totally has class in the morning, but she's apparently at the fuck it stage because she's totally set on nothing but getting wasted.

She starts drinking crazy, way too fast and without even acting like she's trying to exercise any kind of self-control or anything. She finishes one drink off and pours herself another, adding even less juice this time. She's definitely going to be hammered within the hour and puking tomorrow. But he's not gonna tell her to lay off or whatever if that's what she wants.

He doesn't feel like being sick, though, so he just drinks enough to get buzzed and lies sideways on his bed watching her as she digs through a box of his shit that he's been throwing stuff in randomly ever since he moved in. He doesn't care if she's going through his shit, but it's kind of weird, since it's not like there's something she needs to be looking for or something.

But then she sits her ass down right on the floor and doesn't even try to sit some way that might cover her up or something. Her skirt is short as shit, and he can totally see her panties under it. He's not complaining or whatever, but it's really not helping him _not _think about the dream he had the other day.

"Noah, teach me how to play guitar." She's all sing-songy, and she gets up on her knees to lean all the way across to the bed because his guitar is hanging out under there. "If I can't be a singer, maybe I can be in a band."

He wants to laugh at her for being ridiculous, but now he can see her whole entire ass, and he kind of forgets to focus on anything but that. She doesn't notice, though. Or if she does, she doesn't give a shit. Instead, she sits back down Indian-style (he can still see straight up her skirt) and drags the guitar over her lap. She's not even holding it right, but she still tries to tug at the strings and make something happen.

It sounds like shit, and she knows it.

"Great, I can't do _this, _either."

He smirks and slides off the bed so he can sit on the floor and lean against it facing her. "You're not doing it right."

"So teach me!"

"Why do you want to be in a band? Guitarists don't get the spotlight. They just get the chicks." He takes the guitar from her and moves it to his own lap.

"So I could sing." She frowns for a second and mumbles something else about being karaoke. But then she smiles and looks up at him with her eyes all shiney and shit. "I could sing, and you could play. Remember when we used to do that?"

She asks like it was forever ago instead of just like a few months. But he humors her and just nods as he strums out a few chords. She watches his fingers, and he can tell her brain is spinning. He doesn't know what she's plotting, but he's guessing it's probably something hilarious.

And then she's all, "Let's write a song!"

He stops playing and just looks at her because yeah, she's drunk, but she's also totally fucking serious. He can tell because she's just got that look, and he knows it well enough to know she's not joking around.

"We suck at song-writing." It's the damn truth, too, and she knows it. They have enough experience in glee to prove it.

"But that's writing for a group. Noah, let's just write for us! For you and me! We can be a duet. Oh, my god, what if we get famous?" She spits it all out in like five seconds, and he can't help smiling a little bit because she's cute when she's that excited.

He wants to tell her to calm her shit, but she's already grabbing her bag and pulling out a notebook and a pen. He can tell she totally plans to write a song right now tonight, drunk off her ass. And she definitely expects him to help her. It's silly and pointless, but oh, well.

He could think of worse ways to spend a Tuesday night.

…

A/N: So I lied about the two part thing... It got too long for that. I'm almost positive it'll end at three, so... coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**BLEED MY HEART OUT ON THIS PAPER**

**Part 3**

...

His mom calls him one morning while he's still asleep, so he does that thing where he just automatically reaches for the phone and answers it because he doesn't have time to realize he should just ignore it.

She's on his shit first thing about still being asleep. "It's almost noon, Noah!" He tries to tell her that he didn't get home from work til like after three, but she ignores him. Instead, she jumps right into some story about the neighbors that he doesn't give a shit about. And then she's all, "When are you coming home for Thanksgiving?"

And okay, he's not.

He has no desire to spend three or four or however many days in Lima, and he definitely doesn't have any kind of desire to pay for an expensive ass plane ticket to get there. He hasn't exactly told his mom this yet, but he was kind of holding out hope that maybe she just might assume. It's not like she's brought it up before, so he kind of hoped it was just understood.

Apparently not.

So he tries to tell her that he's not coming, and he pulls the angle that he just can't afford it. But it doesn't matter because his mom is batshit, and she starts guilting the fuck out of him, saying shit like how he must not care about his family anymore and a bunch of other crap that she knows for damn sure is a lie. But she says it anyway because she's a Jewish mom, and that's the kind of shit that they do. So it turns into this thing where he actually fucking resents the fact that she just can't accept that he doesn't have a ton of expendable income and doesn't understand that his rent and bills take up his whole entire paycheck basically.

And then she says, "Fine, Noah. If you don't want to come home, that's fine."

So then he basically _has _to go.

…

Rachel wants to eat at this new vegan place that opened up downtown, and she's a Jewish woman, too, so somehow he ends up agreeing to go with her.

He's not a vegan or a vegetarian, like not even close, but he feels bad because she says none of her friends will go with her, and she just wants to try it out. She puts on this disappointed little face when she comes to get some coffee after class one day. He knows what she's doing and knows that she pretty much always ends up getting her way, at least with him, so he just says he'll go with her and saves them both some time.

He's not really sure _how _she always manages to talk him into doing crazy ass shit he doesn't really want to do, but she does. Probably because like it or not, his dick still thinks for him like ninety percent of the time. And his dick's kind of been interested in Rachel for a few years now. It's also been fucking _teased _by Rachel more than a couple of times, so that doesn't help, either.

He did a ton of crazy shit for her when they were in high school, just because she fucking _asked _(or sometimes _ordered) _him to. He's apparently still doing it because he's signing up to go to some rabbit restaurant, and a couple of weeks ago, she was sitting on the floor in his apartment convincing him to write the accompaniment for some stupid ass song she wrote called "Cruise Ship for One." It was like some fucked up mashup about all that bad shit in her life right then- her teacher telling her she was destined for a cruise line and also the crap for Finn. It had some awesome lyrics like, "The breeze blows through my hair, but who will stare? No one, no one, because I'm all alone. Singing on my cruise ship for one. All love and hope is gone."

He's not really looking for her to be dropping the hits any time soon...

…

The restaurant is terrible.

He tries to keep an open mind because it's not like he goes into it thinking he's gonna get a steak or a burger or something. But shit. It's really gross. Rachel seems to think it's awesome, though, and he's kind of worried that however many years without meat has somehow killed her tastebuds or something because this shit is disgusting.

He tries to tell her that, but she tells him he's just "being a butt"- yes, she uses that term- and informs him that this food is both healthy and delicious. No. He's had some delicious shit in his time, and this is definitely not it.

She totally owes him.

…

She pays him back three days later by baking those awesome blueberry muffins she used to make for temple fundraisers and shit.

He lets her use his "kitchen" (he really has to use the word lightly because it's like a mini oven, two burners, and a fridge), but she's so little that it almost looks like it's the perfect size for her. She's bouncing around like she's so happy to finally touch kitchen appliances again or something, and he'd like seriously bet that's exactly what's going through her head. She starts singing some song to herself, and he just lays there on his bed half-asleep and watches her.

She's a good singer. Like better than good. She's so good that sometimes it seriously shocks him because you don't hear shit like that every day. Well, okay, he used to hear it every day, but he doesn't anymore. So it kind of makes her sound even better. Plus, she looks really cute when she bakes. He knows that's completely lame, but it's the only thing he can really focus on besides her voice.

When she pulls the first pan of muffins out, though, he's able to focus at least some on that.

…

He's at the subway station one day, waiting for a train that's apparently never fucking coming, and this dude with a saxophone walks out to the middle of the platform and starts playing.

It's like seriously some of the most awesome stuff he's ever heard, and it's insane that like every other person on the platform actively ignores the dude. Yeah, he hasn't been in New York that long, but he knows that's pretty par for the course or whatever, like you just don't pay attention to subway performers as a rule or something. But what the hell, though? This man is fucking _awesome, _and somebody needs to tell him.

It's not like Puck makes a ton of freaking money or anything, not even close. But he doesn't think twice about digging in his wallet for whatever cash he has on him (fourteen bucks to be exact) and tossing it into the dude's sax case.

He gets a half-smile and a chin raise in thanks, and it's totally worth it.

…

Rachel asks him to go to this showcase something or other that she swears is gonna be "totally awesome," and he knows like right off the bat that it's definitely _not _because Rachel doesn't even say shit like _totally awesome _unless she's full of shit.

So he tells her no.

She's leaning up against the counter in the coffee shop while he wipes shit down in between customers. It's basically empty in here except for them and these two girls at a table by the windows. Rachel showed up randomly, and she's just been hovering ever since she got here. She doesn't even want anything to drink, but he's about to force some coffee into her just to make her fucking _move _or something.

"Noah, you'll love it. There will be all kinds of music, and you can come with my friends and me. It'll be so much fun."

One, if she's already got people to go with, why the hell does she need him? Two, 'all kinds of music' is probably code for some Broadway shit that's probably gonna make him slit his throat or something.

"Please." She blinks at him like she's trying to attempt eyelash fluttering or some shit. It's almost cute. Almost. "We never get to spend any time together."

"We'll be on a flight together the next fucking morning." He also wants to throw in that they'll see each other plenty over Thanksgiving because he's already making plans to escape his family as much as possible.

But then she does that blinking thing again, and it's so fucked up somewhere between cute and hilarious and terrifying, that he's rolling his eyes and throwing his towel on the counter.

"Shit. Fine."

…

When she said _her friends, _he thought she meant like Dee and the people in her dorm and shit- the people he already kind of knows.

But no, she means all these weird theatre kids that he's never met and probably could have gone his whole life never meeting and been fine. Like seriously, he has no problem with gay dudes at all, but the ten Kurt clones are like for real too much. He feels exactly the same way about the band of Rachel clones he's also stuck with for the night. It also doesn't help that every single one of them seems to think he's Rachel's boyfriend or that they secretly want each other or something because they're all giving them looks and whispering and shit, and he feels like he's in eighth grade again or something.

They go to the showcase or whatever, and it's not _as bad _as he probably imagined, but it's still pretty bad. It's still a bunch of showtunes, but there's also some kind of awesome instrumental shit thrown in. And it's not like the _worst _thing he's ever sat through, but he could definitely think of better ways to spend a free night in the city.

A lot of them go out to eat after the show, and he really just wants to go home and pack the rest of his shit for Thanksgiving. But Rachel grabs his hand and asks him if he'll come, and _fuck. _He should learn how to say no or something.

They go to this weird restaurant that's all hipster and probably supposed to be cool or something. But it's not. It's pretty fucking lame and pretentious, and the food sucks and is way too expensive. And it's kind of weird because Rachel's being super fucking clingy and like leaning on him all night and barely talking to any of her 'friends.' Which is cool, seriously, because he'd much rather talk to her than any of these other nutcases, but it's also just fucking weird. Like he doesn't get why she wants to hang out with these people if she's not even going to talk to them, and he also doesn't miss the fact that she's basically doing nothing to like make them think he's _not _her boyfriend.

And when they're all paying their checks, she even asks him if she can spend the night with him. "That way we can just leave together in the morning."

It makes sense, okay? His place is closer to the airport, and they can share a taxi or whatever. Plus, it'll be a lot easier to just get to the airport together instead of trying to find each other once they're there. But it's still kind of odd.

They stop by her dorm to pick up her shit. She swears it's already packed and everything (of course, it fucking is), but she says she needs a couple of minutes to get her toiletries and everything. Dee's in their room watching a movie with some dude he's never seen before. Rachel seems oblivious and just starts digging through her bathroom crap to pull out what she needs. Dee gives him this look that he can't really read, and he just kind of lifts his chin at the dude who's all sprawled out on her bed. He gets the same kind of greeting back, and it's really fucking awkward. So he's glad when Rachel's tugging some pink rolling suitcase across the room and announcing that she's ready. She tells Dee bye and says she'll see her Sunday. There's a lot of fake _have a good holiday _bullshit exchanged, and then they're out.

He asks about the guy when they're on their way back to the train station, and Rachel just shrugs. "I think his name is Chris."

"Is that her boyfriend?" He knows he probably sounds like he cares, but he doesn't, okay? He just wants to know if she's got a dude or whatever now before he like texts her in the middle of the afternoon and asks her to suck his dick or something.

"I don't know. I don't guess so." Rachel sounds annoyed or something. "Aren't you still sleeping with her?"

He wants to tell her there's a big fucking difference between sleeping with somebody and fucking somebody, and yeah, he's let Dee sleep over a few times, but he's sure as fuck never _slept with _her. But he doesn't because all that would take too much time to explain to somebody like Rachel who probably has a totally fucked up view of sex, since all she's got to base it on is _Finn._

So he just says, "I haven't talked to her in like three weeks," because it's the truth.

…

His house is totally empty when he gets home, and he thinks it's pretty shitty that his family can't even be bothered to welcome him home or whatever.

Rachel's dad picked them up from the airport and asked them both a zillion questions about New York on the way back to Lima. Then he dropped Puck off, and he and Rachel are probably on their way to some surprise party or something that her parents set up for her. Because they actually, you know, give a shit.

He doesn't have that same kind of luxury. He gets an empty house and a fridge that might as well be empty- all it's got is gross chick food, which isn't surprising since it's just his mom and his little sister at home now. He grabs a Diet-Coke and tries not to taste it before he takes his shit up to his room and throws it on his bed.

His room feels different now. Different from how he left it and different from what he's used to. That's probably because it's, you know, got furniture and shit, and there's more in there besides just a bed and some random boxes and an open suitcase. Whatever, he still prefers his crappy little studio because it's _his, _and that shit means something.

This just feels like a place he used to live.

…

His mom makes like twelve kinds of pie and way too much food for them.

He's not sure what's really up with all that because she's never been one of those crazy holiday people. Hell, there have been years when all she does is drag him and his sister to a Chinese restaurant and splurge on extra egg rolls. So it's weird when she goes all out for shit, especially since it's just him, his sister, and his nana that she's cooking for. He doesn't complain, though, because she's a pretty awesome cook when she actually, you know, _cooks._

His sister says something, though, about like how many freaking desserts do they _need, _and he kicks her to get her to shut up. His mom sees him and gives him that look that's all _don't kick your eleven year old sister, jackass. _

And then she goes, "I'm just happy to have my whole family together," and he kind of gets that this is more about him than anything else.

…

Pretty much everyone's home for Thanksgiving, but he still hangs out with Finn, who's one of like two people he's seen since August.

Finn's his boy, though. Like best friend and super tight and all that stuff. So they spend most of the night on Friday getting high in Finn's truck just like they used to do when they were like sixteen. It's weird to think that was just a couple of years ago, but it seems like a ton of stuff has changed since then. But not this. This is just them and some weed, and it's like seriously the thing at home that feels the most like _home. _

They talk about New York a little bit, but it's not like there's a whole lot to tell. Finn knows most of the shit that's going on there, and it's not like he's got a bunch of brand new information or like something new to tell. Finn says shit's still pretty boring at home, but he submitted his transfer to Columbus for next year, so at least he can get the fuck out of Lima.

Then he's like, "And I met this girl in class. She's pretty cool," and it's pretty fucked up that all Puck can see is Rachel's face when she was crying over Finn's hit it and quit it a month ago. But whatever, that's not really his business or so much actually Finn's fault, so he can't hate on the dude or whatever.

Instead, they just talk about her a little bit, and they check out her Facebook from Finn's phone. She's hot. In a Quinn kind of way. Like she looks like one of those really beautiful girls who's probably a mega-bitch underneath. But he doesn't say that, just says she's hot and asks Finn if he's hit it yet.

He hasn't.

…

Rachel texts him, no lie, at two o'clock in the morning and asks him if he's awake.

He _is, _but that's only because he just got home. He's gonna lay down and like fall straight to sleep, he knows, so he says yeah and asks what she wants. She texts him back and says that she's bored.

Okay, then. Like he seriously does not know what the fuck that has to do with him, and he really doesn't know what the hell he's even supposed to say back. Like... _sorry for ya? _Or what? But then she texts him and says she doesn't have anybody to hang out with, and he kind of feels like shit, so he just tells her she can come over if she wants to.

She's got on pajama pants and this old McKinley sweatshirt that's like no shit at least six sizes too big for her. It's probably Finn's or something, which is kind of just fucked up in itself. She smiles when he opens the front door for her, and he wonders if she seriously doesn't realize it's the middle of the night. His mom's in bed, and so is his sister, so he tells her to be quiet while they go up to his room.

"My parents have been fighting all weekend." She sits down his bed and kicks her shoes off like she lives there or something. Not like he cares or whatever, but it's kind of weird.

"About what?"

"Food, TV, me..." She rolls her eyes. "They don't ever fight, it's weird."

He doesn't believe that they don't _ever _fight because all couples fight, right? Like even the happily committed gay ones or whatever. Hell, he seriously doesn't remember his parents ever _not _fighting. The only memories he really has of his dad are of him and his mom screaming at each other and calling each other names. So basically, he thinks that shit's pretty normal. 

But obviously not for Rachel because she's frowning and looking all emo, and it's just like she's looked a lot these past couple months whenever she feels like she's not the absolute best at something. It's like the reality check New York is giving her is transferring back here, and it's kind of messed up.

"I can't wait to go back to school." She's not even really looking at him or anything. She's seriously just lying down on his bed and pulling a pillow under her head.

Not that he minds or whatever, but it's weird.

…

The very first thing he realizes when he gets back to his apartment are the weird scratches on the door. Then he notices that the bolt is bent, and he literally just has to like push the door to get it to open.

The second thing, obviously, is the fact that all his shit is gone.

Like seriously. _All _of it. Well, except for the bed, but nobody's got enough balls to try to steal a whole bed and sneak it down through a whole building. But totally not the point. What the _fuck. _It's not even like he's got a ton of stuff to steal. All he has are seriously like some clothes, a couple pairs of shoes, and a guitar. And they took _all _of it.

Somebody stole his fucking _guitar._

…

He's in a really shitty mood, and it pisses him off that his boss calls and asks if he can come in and pick up an extra shift, but he clearly needs the money, so he goes in anyway.

He's basically rude to like every single person who comes in, and he doesn't even give a shit. He just makes their coffee and shoves it at them and pretty much doesn't say a word otherwise.

Then this chick comes in dressed like she's on the way to some business meeting or something. He can tell she's older than him, but not by a _ton_. No way she's over thirty- probably not even twenty-five. She's not like legitimized cougar age or anything, but she's still super hot.

She smiles at him, and he smiles back because even though he's in a pissy mood, he can still appreciate an attractive woman. He makes small talk while he fixes her coffee, asks how her day is and all that other shit he doesn't really care about. She actually answers, though, and tells him that she's tired and ready to murder somebody after a really long day at work.

He kind of winks at her just a little bit and tells her the coffee's on the house because she needs a break after that kind of day. She smiles and doesn't leave the counter right away.

He is totally going to do her.

…

Her name is Laura, and she lives in a one bedroom apartment about six blocks from the coffee shop. She's a legal assistant at some law firm, and she has a black cat.

That's literally all he knows about her besides the fact that she's got a birth mark under her left tit and that she likes to be on top. That's all he needs to know or at least all he cares to find out. All he wants to do is fuck her and get out.

So that's what he does.

…

Rachel feels bad that all his stuff is gone, so she offers to "take him" shopping, which means she really just wants to tag along and tell him what to buy.

He doesn't have a lot of money or anything, but he can't just keep wearing the same three shirts over and over again, or they're gonna fall apart or something. He doesn't really know where you're supposed to go and shop cheap in New York because it's not like at home where you can just go to the mall and find a bunch of sales. Everything's like spread out and expensive here, but Rachel swears up and down that she knows some cheaper places, so he trusts her because he doesn't really have many other options.

Shopping here is annoying, though, because it's like Christmas on crack every single place he looks. Like isn't this city supposed to be down with Jews? It's one thing to have Christmas shoved down his throat in Lima where there's like a .0000001 percent Jewish population, but this is New York City. Is it really that freaking serious?

The only good part about it is that he gets to make Rachel really uncomfortable when he drags her into the dressing room with him and starts changing clothes right in front of her. She tries to say she'll just wait outside, but fuck that. He's not some runway model, and if she wants to give her opinion, she's gonna have to do it from inside a 4x4 dressing room. She tries really hard to make it obvious that she's not looking, but all that does is make it clear that she's totally _trying _not to look. Like she's having to make a real effort, and it's kind of hilarious.

She tells him which jeans look the best, and then she picks out about five shirts for him. He only puts two of them back, which is kind of shocking because this is the chick who likes to wear knitted birds on her chest and shit, but she's better at picking out clothes for dudes apparently because she doesn't suck.

At least she doesn't suck _much._

…

She decides that she's moving in with him for the whole weekend before her finals start.

Really, she doesn't even ask, she just fucking calls him and tells him she's coming over because she's too distracted on campus. He doesn't really know what the fuck she's so distracted by unless it's her roommates new fuck buddy or boyfriend or whatever the hell that dude is. He knows it's not _Dee _that's gonna distract her because those two barely even talk anymore. All that crap that involved them trying to be friends and hang out when they first got to school has died way out, and like they don't hate each other or whatever, but they never, ever hang out together anymore.

So he gets off work at like 3 AM Friday night, and when he gets home, Rachel's asleep on his bed with some biology book or something open beside her. She looks really fucking cute sleeping in his bed, but he does his best not to notice that. Or at least not to care anyway. Instead, he just puts her book on the floor and strips down to his boxers because he's dead tired, and he really just wants to sleep for like fourteen hours or something.

He has to like yank the blanket out from underneath her, but she doesn't wake up. She just rolls over right up against him and wraps an arm around his waist. He knows she's still asleep because he can tell by her breathing, but even unconscious, he doesn't hate the way her body feels pressed up against his.

He really needs to get laid or something because all this feeling shit about Rachel stuff is just going to end with him getting fucked. And _not _in the good way.

…

He kind of gets in a fight at work and almost gets fired.

And seriously, there should be no fucking surprise that Rachel's the cause of it. Well, she doesn't actually _do _anything, but it's totally her fault. She's at some corner table studying because she says this place is "so much quieter" than all the places around campus. That's not a shock considering the fact that this place has like zero customers most of the time. But she's sitting there, sipping totally black coffee and studying for one of her finals, and this douchebag comes in and orders a double mocha frap and sits down right beside her.

Puck watches from the counter because it's not like he's got anything better to do. And also because he wants to find out what the hell this idiot thinks he's going to make happen. It turns out, he obviously thinks he's gonna make _a lot _happen because he starts talking to her and doesn't shut up no matter how hard she ignores him.

And then he fucking _touches _her, and it's like bets off, okay?

If he just brushed her arm or something, it'd be one thing, but this asshole puts his whole hand on her fucking _thigh, _and Rachel looks at it and then at him like he's lost his damn mind. And he _still _doesn't move it. And then she even says, "Please stop touching me," and he _still _keeps touching her.

So Puck doesn't really think twice before he walks over there and says, "Why don't you get your fucking hands off her?"

And then this prick has the nerve to just look at him and raise an eyebrow like some kind of cocky mother-fucker or something, and he still doesn't move his hand. So Puck moves it for him. He just grabs his wrist, moves it off of Rachel, and then maybe he uses his grip on that wrist to yank the dude up and kind of shove him against the table. He expects to get shoved back, so he's not surprised like at all when it happens. He also really wants this dude to throw a punch or something because he's kind of got a lot of pent up anger he could handle getting rid of. But Rachel jumps up and grabs his arm, so he doesn't hit anybody.

And then his manager comes out from the back and sees what's going on.

He expects to get fired, but Luke just tells Mr. Handsy to get the hell out, and then he tells Puck to take his ass home and cool off, and they'll talk about it later. Whatever, he doesn't want to be here right now anyway.

Rachel follows him out and down to the subway station. He half-expects her to tag along home with him, but she still has a final in the afternoon, so it'd be pointless for her to go with him and then have to come all the way back. They don't really say much while they walk, but Rachel's incapable of passing up a chance to talk, so she puts a stop to that.

"Your need to express chivalry in such a physical way is understandable, Noah, but it's not always the healthiest choice."

He hates when she talks like that. Like she started speaking halfway normal sometime around eleventh grade, so when she slips into all this thee, thou, ye bullshit (or close enough, whatever), it bugs the shit out of him.

"I don't even know what the fuck that means."

He can see her roll her eyes, which is total classic Rachel. Then she sounds all annoyed when she says, "It means you shouldn't constantly try to pick fights with people just to prove your manhood."

He's halfway pissed off at her, but he can't resist the, "I know lots of ways to prove it if you wanna find out," that slips out of his mouth before he can stop it.

Rachel turns red, and she kind of glares at him, which is hilarious because she's known him for way to long to be _blushing _at the shit that comes out of his mouth.

"_Also," _she sounds like she's purposely ignoring him, "I can take care of myself. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I can handle myself."

He doesn't mean to laugh, but he does. It's just that she's like five feet tall and ninety pounds or something. There's no fucking _way _she can 'take care of herself' when some douchebag gets all handsy. But if she wants to think that, it's her prerogative.

When they get to the station, she heads off toward her own train, and he just shakes his head as he watches her little ass walk away.

…

His sister calls him freaking out because she says she's getting an F in English.

He doesn't know what the hell to tell her except to suck it up and deal with it. He's never had like amazing grades or whatever, but he's always done at least halfway decent because his mom is kind of no joke about school. Like she's not super tough or whatever, and she doesn't have all these crazy unrealistic expectations, but she expects an effort at least. And an F is not a freaking effort.

He kind of feels bad leaving his sister to deal with all their mom's crazy alone, but better her than him.

…

Rachel comes over later that week, and she's freaking out, too.

She keeps saying she thinks she bombed her psychology final, and he wants to ask her what the hell she even took psychology for, but it's hard to even get a word in with the way she's freaking out and going on and on and on about how she's going to fail out of school and won't be able to get a job and all her Broadway dreams will be ruined and blah blah blah.

So he does what he always does when she starts freaking out over shit- he gets her drunk.

She's easy to convince because she secretly likes getting wasted a whole lot more than she's willing to let on or whatever. That's why she always comes over here whenever she's pissed or upset or whatever- because she knows he can get her liquor and that she'll have a place to sleep or whatever.

She wants to do vodka tonight, and she wants to mix it with cranberry, so they have to go down to the store and get the juice while his buddy gets them the alcohol. And then Rachel's grabbing two of the like four glasses in his cabinet and mixing drinks like she's some kind of pro or something. College has been good for her, at least as far as underage drinking goes.

She gets drunk and giggly and really super intense. He usually just gets buzzed because he knows that getting drunk kind of turns him into even more of a dick than he usually is. Like if he drinks a certain amount, he's cool and relaxed and just chill. But if he drinks just a little bit more than that, he gets pissed off and hateful. So yeah, he tries to keep it below that level.

So he's really kind of shocked when he ends up totally wasted.

He's been trying really hard not to focus on the fact that somebody broke into his place and stole all his shit and that he basically has _nothing _now. He's been trying really hard not to notice that without his guitar, he's got absolutely no fucking reason to be in this stupid city except for a lease that costs way too much to break. He's basically just here working a lame ass job he hates and spending way too much on rent for a shitty apartment that he's also kind of starting to hate. But when he starts drinking too much, all that stuff he's been trying really hard to forget becomes kind of fucking hard to ignore.

So he starts bitching about it. Rachel keeps trying to act concerned, but she's way too fucking happy and smiley to make it seem anything close to legit. He doesn't hold it against her, though, because that's just how she gets when she's drunk. It also doesn't stop him from bitching.

"This whole fucking city is stupid and pointless."

"I love this city!"

"What the hell am I even doing here? It's not like I can work on music or anything. I wouldn't even fucking work on it if my guitar _didn't _get stolen because this whole place is full of people who don't make it."

"I'm going to make it!" She's got way more confidence now than she did while she was sober and freaking out about flunking out of college. "Noah, you will, too!"

He rolls his eyes, and she kind of smacks his arm. He doesn't know what the hell that's about, but he doesn't care. "I hate it here."

"No, you don't. It's New York!"

"What the hell am I even doing here?" He's being dead ass serious. "There's no fucking point in me being here."

"Yes, there is!" And Rachel's nodding all fast and hyper and shit. "Me. You have to be here for _me!" _Leave it to Rachel to make everybody else's problems about her.

And he doesn't know what that's supposed to mean. Like it probably means nothing. It probably goes all the way back to last year when she was freaking out because Kurt and Finn both coming to New York with her fell through. And then she acted like it was the greatest thing in the world when he said he was going, but he knew it was just because she didn't want to go alone. So now it's kind of like that all over again, but he's kind of too drunk to deal with this shit right now.

He's like _way _too drunk to deal with her kissing him.

He doesn't even know what the hell's going on at first, and it no lie takes him like a good ten seconds to even realize that she's doing it. He doesn't know _why _or whatever, but it probably takes another twenty before he has enough sense to pull away and ask her what the hell she's doing.

"You just look so hot when you're mad."

She's _wasted _because no way she says shit like that sober. He's not exactly sober himself, so he can't really help it when he smiles because she's giving him this cute as hell look like she's almost embarrassed or knows she should be or something.

"Don't kiss me, Rachel."

"Why? You don't like me?"

She sounds about fifteen or something. He wants to tell her that, but he figures he should just answer the question instead because it's easier. He's definitely not confirming or denying anything about liking her when he's this drunk. Instead, he kind of just uses that as his excuse.

"Because you're fucking drunk."

"So are you."

"Yeah, no shit." And he doesn't even know what he's saying really, it just sounds right in his head.

Rachel's got this really weird look on her face, like he can't tell if she's going for pissed or sexy, but she's not really doing either one of them too well. But she's all like, "We've kissed before," and puts her hands on her hips like she's going to lecture him or something.

He just shuts it down. No way is he getting into this right now, no way. "Yeah, and that always turned out great for us."

She's pissed now. And she throws her arms across her chest and kind of looks at him like he's in deep shit or something. "You're being a jerk."

He laughs because... what? Like what is she even talking about right now? He can't figure out which one of them is drunker, but neither one of them is sober enough to be having this conversation.

"I'm not being a jerk, Rachel. You just shouldn't... Jesus, just don't, okay?"

He's a fucking idiot for sure because why the hell else would he be turning her down? He doesn't even know what she wants right now, but he knows better than to ask or like try to find out because if he gets just a tease, he's not gonna want to stop. And that ain't gonna be good for either one of them.

She turns around and like for real _stomps _into his bathroom and slams the door. He just sits down on his bed because he needs to sober up fast or something, or shit's gonna get real stupid. He hates the way she's one of those chicks who can kiss him and leave him feeling it after. He doesn't want to think about how much _fun _it is to make out with her, and yeah, he knows from personal experience, okay? It's just not a good thing to remember right now.

He's kind of surprised when she comes out of the bathroom and actually climbs into his bed. He totally expected her to have some total diva fit and insist on going back to her dorm in the middle of the fucking night. He was already planning on stopping her and telling her to stop being stupid and all this stuff, but turns out, he doesn't even have to use it. She just climbs past him and lays down and pulls the covers all the way up to her head. He tries really hard not to notice, but he knows she's taking her jeans off under the blanket because that's what she always does when she sleeps over here without any other clothes.

He lays down with her because it's weird if he doesn't. He feels like shit, and he really doesn't need a half-naked girl in bed with him if he's trying to be all good guy and shit. Hell, he _really _doesn't need a half-naked _Rachel _anywhere close to him right now. Too. Fucking. Drunk. He feels like an asshole because she rolls over so her back's to him and she's facing the wall. He knows that means she's pissed or embarrassed or something, and he wishes she were a little bit more drunk so she would wake up and not remember any of this.

"Rachel." He doesn't even know what the hell he's saying right now or why. But he feels weird with it being all silent and shit. She ignores him, just like he expects, so he just keeps going. "Rachel, don't be pissed at me." She still doesn't say anything, so finally he's just, "_Rachel," _and she finally turns her head and looks at him.

He shouldn't lean over and kiss her. Like out of all the things in the world he shouldn't do right now, that's probably at the top of the list. But _fuck. _It's like he can't even control his shit, and he just _wants _to, okay?

This is the dumbest night ever. Seriously. Like he doesn't even know _what _happened to get them to this point because it was just a pretty fucking normal night up until a little while ago when she suddenly decided to throw herself at him. And they're both drunk, so this is probably really stupid. But he can't think about anything else right now because Rachel's totally into it, and making out with her is even kind of more fun than he remembers- probably because when she rolls on top of him and straddles his hips, there's literally just underwear between them.

She's being super fucking controlling and possessive, and he doesn't hate it, okay? Like he's not some douchebag who has to be in control a hundred percent of the time or anything- sometimes it's pretty hot when girls take that initiative or whatever. And Rachel's a control _freak, _so it's not even like he's surprised a little bit or anything. She's hot, he's hot, it just _feels _hot, okay?

He totally shouldn't take her shirt off, but he does anyway. She doesn't care or anything, and all she does is like grab it from him and throw it in the floor. He's not surprised by how hot she is or anything because he's kind of spent plenty of time looking at her, so it's not like he can't imagine or whatever. But still, he can appreciate a girl's body when it's deserved, and Rachel may be tiny, but she's freaking sexy.

But seriously. If they don't cut it out, he's gonna have sex with her, and that's like the _last _thing that needs to happen while they're both wasted and doing all this crap for like no obvious reason whatsoever. It's like she can read his mind or something, though, because she's like pulling up for just a second going, "I'm not that drunk."

She is. But that's not the issue here. Or it kind of is. Or _fuck. _Whatever.

…

They don't have sex.

They do _enough, _but they don't do _that. _And it's like a total testament to his maturity that they don't because Rachel's practically begging for it. But he sees like three things when he looks at her: _Drunk, Emotional, _and _Finn. _All of those are good reasons _not _to fuck a chick. But then there's also the fact that she's _Rachel, _and she's kind of like the closest thing he has to a girl best friend these days. So yeah, she's hot and he's into her in a way he probably shouldn't be, but it's not worth making things weird between them just so he can get his dick wet.

She's definitely not just a chick he can screw around with without strings.

…

It's pointless, though.

He should have just fucked her because the next morning, she looks like she wants to cry, and she grabs her stuff and runs out of his apartment so fast that he's not even sure she actually left til he looks in the bathroom and sees that she's not there. He doesn't know what to do, so he just lays in bed all morning and tries really fucking hard not to think too much about it.

She'll get over it, okay? They didn't even do anything. Well, they _did, _but they didn't have sex, and it's sex that makes shit weird, right? Not making out and some fingering. Jesus, they've made out before. Fuck, he's an idiot, and he knows it.

This is exactly why he doesn't need friends who are girls.

…

…

…

A/N: Sorry I've been MIA. I've just been busy, and Glee's... yeah. I don't really know what to say. Anyway, the next part is _definitely _the last.


End file.
